‘Life is too short to be too little .’
~Benjamin Disraeli

Can’t take the credit for these, but they are a hoot!

* * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

* * Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* * The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

* * Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* * There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

* * Life is sexually transmitted.

* * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* * Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

* * Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

* * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

* * All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* * In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* * How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

* * Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

* * Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”

* * Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* * If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

* * Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch…

* * Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

* * If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* * If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

* * Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* * Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

* * Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

* * Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Robert Q. Steinman, Ph.D.


This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 at 9:38 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

19 Responses to “ponderisms”

Dennie Says:

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Eve Says:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: (I had to do one more than Dennnie :wave:)

if quizzes are quizzical … ROTFL

These are a riot. I have some stored in my humor file for future blogging. Gotta get them out and look at them.

Sandy Says:

Dennie: They are funny, aren’t they? Wish I’d have thought of them myself.

Eve: Bring ‘em out and let’s have a good laugh.

Brandy Says:

You know the freezer question actually makes sense! Love these.

Dennie Says:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Take that EVE! LOL

Rene Says:

That was too funny!

Eve Says:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: and a :banana: for good measure. LOL

Eve Says:

:mrgreen: :lol::grin::wave:

KaraMia Says:

:rotfl:Too funny! Here via michele today

Sandy Says:

Eve and Dennie: Ya’ll are a hoot!

Rene: Sometimes you jsut need a laugh to make it through the day.

KaraMia: Thanks for stopping by! Going to swing by your place.

Dennie Says:

told ya to wait on the hair didn’t I :yes: I was right wasn’t I :yes:

next time, you gonna listen to me :yes:

Happy Saturday! :typing: Oh yeah, – I worte and wrote – woohoo!

Dennie Says:

good thing Word has spell check darn it! :???:

Sandy Says:

Dennie: Yes, you did :cry: But it was too long and needed to get it done before the conference.

Eve Says:

you should listen to Dennie. :yes:

Jack W. Orf Says:

That is definitely “laughed so hard water squirted out my nose” funny. You should publish comedy stuff.

Sandy Says:

Eve: I try, I really do.

Jack: Thanks for stopping by! I wish I could take credit for those, but can’t. :sad: But every once in a while I get a good one in!

Daniel Dillon Says:

I really enjoyed looking at your site, I found it very helpful indeed, keep up the good work.

Carl Wilkeson Says:

Nice idea with this site its better than most of the rubbish I come across.

brought by WordPress Themes